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February 19th, 2012

 Homer J. Simpson's Profile

Homer J. Simpson's Avatar
User ID #60463
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Location In Springfield... but which one?
Interests Name: Homer Jay Simpson. Identity: A big oaf of a father. Age: 36-39 (was 36 in earlier episodes, but is now 38/39. Weight: 239lbs to 260lbs (heaviest was 315lbs) Relations: Marge (wife), Bart, Lisa and Maggie (kids), Abraham Simpson (dad), Herb (half-brother) Occupation: Safety Inspector (Sector 7G) at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Credit card no.: 5784365343410709 Catchphrases: D'oh!, Mmm..., and Woohoo! "Maybe for once someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'you're making a scene.' " Best friend: Barney Gumble Enemies: Ned Flanders, the water department, God... Hero: Steve McQueen Hobbies: Watching TV, drinking beer, eating... Fave food: Donuts (raspberry cream or double-glaze), pork chops, honey roasted peanuts. Fave drink: Duff beer. Fave restaurant: Greasy Joe's Bottomless BBQ Pit. Fave cassette to listen to while on a road trip: Rappin' Ronnie Reagan. Inventions: Flaming Homer (which Moe stole); 'Wonder Bat'; an unknown product (in "Homer Vs. Patty and Selma"); an electric hammer; a six-legged chair that won't tip over; a make-up gun; and armchair-toilet thing. Past loves: Mindy Simmons (and Maude Flanders most of the time!) Fears: Sock puppets. "You tried you best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try." Awards won: First Annual Montgomery Burns Awards for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence [8F23], the burping contest at the Power Plant [2F31], Employee of the Month [8F04], "Sir Drinks A Lot", a Grammy for Best Spoken Word or Barbershop Quartet Album Of The Year [9F21], and six won at the high school reunion: most weight gained, most improved odor, most hair lost, oldest car, lowest paying job, and the least distance traveled to get to the reunion [9F16]. Previous jobs: Teacher [1F20], astronaut [1F13], singer[9F21], manager of a country & western singer [8F19], pin monkey [2F10], monorail conductor [9F10], chauffeur [2F14], Mr. Plow [9F07], Kwik-E-Mart clerk [8F06], and a body guard [AABF05] among many, many others. Appearances: Every episode. Has had two birthdays [AABF08 & 3G01], let the 'Babysitter bandit' get away, been to Clown college & Body guard college, been into space, and has been a member of the Be Sharps. "The Sun? That's the hottest place on Earth!"
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